November 1, 2019 by phicks2012
In any case, I was thinking the other night about how (if we aren’t sociopaths, at least) we tend to go on blaming ourselves for mistakes made long ago. I know I do, and that there are things I’ve never forgiven myself for. Mostly, these were egregious errors in judgment rather than outright sins of commission. I regret lost love, and lost friends, and lost family — even if I really had nothing to do with the way things went awry. I regret lost dreams and lost chances — even if these were stripped away rather that thrown away.
Anyway, I found myself wondering if, as we age, we ever reach a point when we can let the guilt go and accept the way our lives have gone, and stop blaming ourselves — and I wrote the verse below…which will also be published in our SCA Shire’s monthly newsletter, The Equinox.
“When Do We Know”
When do we know that fate at last has found us,
And Wisdom made her way from Folly’s path;
With old remorse no longer quite as boundless,
And we can set our shames aside, and laugh?
When do we cease to agonize and anguish,
Denying the mistakes we made in youth;
When old transgressions are allowed to languish;
And ego has a lesser weight than truth?
When do we know that we have earned forgiveness,
For letting love or honor slip away;
For human fault, if we have shown unkindness,
Or thoughtless cruelty along the way?
When do we know that childish expectations
Will nearly always fade or fail with time,
And can accept succumbing to temptations
When we were young with mountains yet to climb?
When do we understand that imperfections
Do not define, but make us what we are;
With frailties, and cracks in our reflections,
And that we cannot always touch the stars?
When do we comprehend that that we are mortal,
And born with dreams, but also feet of clay;
That we, before we cross our final portals,
Let old regrets grow wings, and fly away?
07 September, A.S. LIV (2019)