May 7, 2019 by phicks2012
Back in July of 2012 I posted a blog called “Hurricane Sandy??” It dealt with the inadvisability and turmoil of allowing myself to be guilt-tripped into letting a chronically needy person — or more accurately a person eternally inclined to be a victim and to blame anyone except herself for the perpetually dysfunctional state of her own life — move into my house.
In roughly 2004 I allowed a casual (never close, but long-term) friend to stay with me for what was supposed to be a week or so “just to recharge”, and wound up stuck with her for three interminable years. Check out “Hurricane Sandy??” on this site, dated 4 July 2012 for just a FEW of the painful details.
I finally got rid of her in 2007 (again, see my earlier BLOG for details on creativity and desperation), nearly twelve years ago, and until the other night had heard from her only once since then. That call was in 2009 (or 2010, I believe) wanting to move back in and claiming she was (of course) being mistreated and taken advantage of at her mother’s house.
Now, to make something perfectly clear, she’d complained to other people that she was being mistreated and taken advantage of when she was living HERE, so this is her typical M.O., no matter WHERE she is living.
On the occasion of that call, when I told her “No’ she tried to argue, to deny that she’d ever created the slightest problem for me or my other housemates, and to claim that any problems were all someone else’s fault. However, as a confirmed non-masochist familiar with her M.O., there was no way I was going to allow her to return, and since then I had heard nothing at all from her until May 6th of this year (2019).
Typically for Sandy, she called very late at night, because Sandy sleeps all day and stays up all night and has never seen the slightest problem with interrupting the possible sleep cycles of other people. In tears, she declared that she wanted her life back, and her friends back, and that she was (of course) being mistreated and taken advantage of at her mother’s house, and desperately wanted to move back here.
I once again told her “No”. I did not equivocate, nor “waffle”, nor “vascillate”, nor even “hesitate”. I told her flatly that she could not come back, and she immediately started arguing with me. I told her (as kindly as I could to start) that I could not afford to have her living here running up my utilities, monopolizing public areas of the house, making unrealistic demands, spreading false rumors, alienating other housemates, and creating endless drama and hardship. But eventually I was “BLUNT”.
Of course, she denied it all. Everything was someone else’s fault, and she was only a poor victim defending herself. She got louder and talked faster as the conversation progressed, and since Sandy tends to be loud and to talk fast anyway this probably should not have come as any sort of shock to me. However, most people, when told “No” tend to back off. Not Sandy.
No, not Sandy. She went on and On and ON about how blameless she was, and how horrible everyone else had been to her, with me continuing to say “No” over and Over, and OVER. She seemed to think she could guilt and badger me into changing my mind, but her refusal to listen or to take “No” for an answer only solidified my position. She seemed to think that she could talk my other housemates into letting her return too, if only she could come by and “talk to them” — and we’re talking about people who flatly hated her guts by the time she left, and with good and multiple reasons.
She denied everything, but she then insisted she wasn’t the person she used to be, which was, of course, total bullshit. If she still couldn’t accept any responsibility for her own thoughtless, callous and irrational behavior in the past then she WAS still the same person. I continued telling her “No” and she continued arguing until I finally said “Sandy, I’ve had it with this! The answer is NO, and it’s going to stay NO, and it’s late! I’m hanging up on you now! Goodbye!”
She kept trying to call me back (never mind that it was late at night and she might be waking up other people by calling on the land line). She called from two different numbers, and called on both of MY numbers until I finally blocked both of the numbers she was calling from (one was a neighbor’s phone, so she was keeping THEM up too), and on both phone lines. “No” meant “NO”, and knowing Sandy she’d have kept me on the phone all night arguing because, frankly, she has no empathy. None.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Sandy was and is all about Sandy, and that was something I had to learn the hard way. If you cannot empathize with other people, then their feelings do not make an impact on you, or influence the way you interact with them. You can call or drop in on people at 3:00 am and get your nose out of joint if they then don’t want to talk for hours about your boyfriend. You can camp out on someone’s living room couch for months and be offended if they actually want to use their own living room. You can reprogram someone else’s DVR to record only the shows you want to see, and you can impersonate someone else on their phone and insult callers. You can run someone’s else’s utility bills sky high, and toss things into the trash that don’t belong to you, and embellish on gossip about supposed friends. If you have no empathy, you will not feel for the people to whom you do these things, and will feel no guilt for it. Sandy has no empathy.
I warned Jason the next morning, because I still really half expect her to show up here — assuming she now has a working vehicle of her own (which I doubt) or can browbeat someone into bringing her (which is far more likely). I’ve told him to check before opening the door to anyone, and instructed him not to let her inside. No danger there. He’d just as soon admit a live rattlesnake, Thanos, or Cthulhu. Things like that happen when you pick fights with people and then, when they raise their voice and tell you to back off, call the police claiming you are threatening them. She did that to both Jason and Alicia at several different times, and on all occasions she herself was the provocateur.
And, today I double-checked the batteries in my security system sensors, and did some trouble-shooting, because I wanted to make sure everything was functional — just in case she might have hung onto a working door key. Is that excessive? Paranoid? Probably “Yes” to both, right? However, I’m going on record as stating that Hurricane Sandy will NEVER have my permission to storm into my home or life again and wreck havoc. No is No!