E-Horrible.com

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November 28, 2017 by phicks2012

This might sound strange coming from someone as “seasoned” as I am, but a few years back I decided to try on-line dating, just to see if it was all it was hyped up to be. After all, they imply that people of all ages can find someone special, right? <Insert hysterical laughter here>

It might be worth trying, if the person trying it is 1)young, 2)very attractive (and photogenic), or 3)neither, but desperate and totally undescriminating. Otherwise, I’m afraid I can’t personally say I recommend it.

I tried E-Harmony for the reasons so often stated on their commercials. They supposedly match you based upon a lengthy series of criteria, and since people pay to join they logically ought to be more serious about finding a true match than about hooking up. Also, I’d heard — whether or not it was true — that Match.com was a “meat market” heavily populated with married men on the prowl. Actually, I KNEW someone rather like that who WAS on Match.com and lied like a rug on his profile, so the rumors were all that much easier to credit, right?

So I joined E-Harmony and answered their questions, and posted my profile, and waited.

I discovered fairly quickly that E-Harmony offered free “trial memberships” that only lasted a few days, and that most people who tried these out did not pay to remain members — but that their profiles would not be taken down and they’d continue to be “matched” with hundreds (if not thousands) of other people to whom they would never respond — for obvious reasons.

I discovered just as quickly that it didn’t matter in the slightest what you gave as your preferences on the questionnaire. They would “match” you to people who in NO WAY fit your parameters. If you stated, just for example, that you would like to meet a man over 6′ tall (maybe because you yourself were nearly that tall and felt like a freaking amazon already) they would still “match” you to 5’2″ men. If you said that you wanted a college educated man, they would still “match” you to high school drop-outs with no grasp of basic grammar. If you were looking for average build they would still “match” you to 450-pound men (who may also be 5’2″ tall) or to 90-pound men who looked like crack addicts or walking skeletons.

I learned that they would send you hundreds of “matches” — probably random — most of whom would never respond even if you tried to “play the game” by sending a greeting to all of them. You communicated with those few who DID respond via pre-scripted messages, and maybe some of those seemed okay, but once you went off-script you discovered that you had absolutely NOTHING in common with the person. All those questions were supposed to guarantee compatibility, but NOOOOOO!

I was told that I should have had a “Glamour Shot” made for my profile, because men are visual creatures, but I’ve never seen one of those that didn’t look almost scary — and certainly none that looked anything really like the subject. I figured that was dishonest. Silly me.

So I got limited responses from men who couldn’t carry on an intelligent conversation and who had no sense of humor or social skills, with whom I had zero in common, and whom I did not find even remotely attractive on numerous fronts. WOW! What a great questionnaire!!! As far as I can determine, if Quasimodo, Charlie Manson (he may now be dead, but his profile would still be there), or Jim the Wonder Dog had been on EHarmony, I’d probably have been matched to them too!

Now I’m not a total fool, or oblivious to reality. I know that if I’d been a 23-year old hottie with a smokin’ profile picture I’d have been inundated with contacts. Not fitting that profile — well, that’s what leads a lot of people to “Catfish” on-line, but even if I HAD fit the profile that still doesn’t mean I’d have had anything in common with 98% of my supposed “matches”. It only means that there would have been a lot of responses. I’d still have been “matched” with 5’2″ anorexic or incredibly overweight high school dropouts whose idea of a fun weekend was attending a Monster Truck Rally, who wore socks with plaid shorts and sandals (not that I have any right to quibble about “fashion” mind you), and who figured they deserved to be “matched” with America’s Next Top Model.

Did I give up and stop paying them for their questionable “services”? Yep! You bet I did — though I’m probably still being “matched” to men I will know nothing about and will never respond to, and who are thinking “What a Bitch! Like SHE should be picky!!”. 😉

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phicks2012

phicks2012

I am an active, outgoing person interested in all sorts of things and all sorts of people! I'm constantly discovering new interests, and expect that to continue right into the grave!

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