February 11, 2017 by phicks2012
I’ve always been a reasonably outgoing sort of person. I’ve always enjoyed going to SCA Events and Activities (even to Meetings), to sporting events, and getting together with friends, and going on trips, and just getting out and doing things. Hmmmm. So why is it that lately I find myself dragging my feet when it comes to leaving the house?
I don’t have a problem running out to the grocery store, or the hardware store, or the dollar store. I don’t really mind going to fill up on gas or to buy feed and hay, but then none of those things really requires me to drive more than a few miles, and they’re quickly accomplished. They have to be done, but they’re quickly gotten out of the way, allowing me to go home again and turn into a pumpkin — if that’s what I desire, and I’m afraid it all too frequently is. 😦
I think the problem is partly that the friends I most enjoyed doing things with in the past have mostly scattered, or gone inactive from the SCA, or (God forbid) died — or they work such long hours at such oppressive jobs that they themselves have no energy left at the end of the day to do anything other than crash. No pep left in their step for socializing with me, or really with anyone else. Bummer.
The truth is that I don’t much like doing things alone, or as a part of a large group not reliably containing people whose company I enjoy. There are few things more God-awful depressing than being in a large group of people you don’t know and who are coupled-up or friended-up with no real inclination to meet or interact with anyone outside their circle.
Sitting alone watching other people have fun is really not all that enjoyable, if you take my meaning. I took a cruise alone once, and it was the worse vacation EVER!!! If you’re young and hot, lots of strangers want to meet and talk to you, but if you aren’t “America’s Next Top Model”, or if you’ve reached “a certain age”, that no longer tends to be quite true, at least mundanely. They can and will look right through you.
At most SCA events I can count on seeing a lots of old friends once I get there, and on really enjoying myself, but I nearly always have to drive to and from those events alone, and those drives can be long and incredibly boring without someone along to talk to. Books on tape will only go so far to take the edge off of the tedium, and the boys in blue tend to frown upon talking and texting via IPhone while driving. Funny thing about that! 😉
So I guess I’m either going to have to start forcing myself to get out even when I have no one to go with, or I’ll have to reconcile myself to being more of a hermit than I once was. I’ll just have to own it, right? 😉
Anyone with another alternative is more than welcomed to make suggestions, of course!!