The Throne Comes Home!


November 9, 2015 by phicks2012

The ThroneCongratulate me! After two long months of accouterment torture, aching back, sore seat, and sour disposition, I finally have my desk chair back!!! Hallelujah!!

Okay, so maybe it doesn’t look like a soul-saving, life-prolonging, answer to life’s prayers. After all, it’s an antique — relatively speaking. It doesn’t have a single piece of plastic on it. It’s made of wood, without a solitary bell or whistle — but when you want to roll it, it rolls, and when you want to lean back, it leans. When you sit in it your butt doesn’t fall asleep, and it doesn’t have a metal rod running down the back grinding into your spine. It wasn’t designed by Torquemada or Wes Craven or Clive Barker.

Every time I glance over at the desk chair I’ve been using for the past two months I have to fight an impulse to haul it out into the yard, douse it with gasoline, and set it on fire, but I’ve decided that it might, after all, have some uses. They are as follows:

1) The cats can use it as a scratching post instead of messing with The Throne, giving them an acceptable alternate outlet for their destructive impulses.

2) I can offer its use to people I don’t like who somehow manage to get into my house, or to people who have no business sitting on semi-fragile antique furniture. Guess what!! If they break it, I won’t care!!

3) I can offer it as a prop to be hurled over castle battlements at Gulf Wars or Pennsic.

4) I can use it to barricade my door, or as a weapon in the event of zombie incursions. The bonus here is that I will not care if it gets smeared with putrefying flesh.

Sitting back in my Throne, I will likely come up with other creative uses for the Desk Chair of Doom, though none of them — unless I develop unexpected masochistic tendencies — will involve my actually sitting in it ever again in this lifetime. So there!

2 thoughts on “The Throne Comes Home!

  1. devicecoders says:

    desk chairs are a huge thing. I just got one the other day and it makes a huge difference.

    • phicks2012 says:

      We tend to spend rather too much time, I’ll grant, in our desk chairs these days. I know I do, but that’s no reason to make them into torture devices. That doesn’t make me exercise more. It make me whine and complain more! LOL

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November 2015


I am an active, outgoing person interested in all sorts of things and all sorts of people! I'm constantly discovering new interests, and expect that to continue right into the grave!

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