July 14, 2015 by phicks2012
Those of us who have watched a wide range of Horror movies or Monster movies know that normal universal laws do not really apply in most of these films. Monsters have to be virtually unkillable, or the films, after all, would not last longer than it took the first redneck to fire his shotgun or the first soldier or cop to empty his or her automatic weapon. They have to be bulletproof, and are generally also resistant to piddling things like missiles, flamethrowers, heatrays, bazookas, normal explosives, and collapsing skyscrapers.
The characters in these movies also tend to fit into set stereotypes, and their fates tend to be more than a bit predictable, based upon those character stereotypes. If you watch these movies you know what I mean!! Admit it! You pretty much know which characters are going to DIE: the two giggling bimbos in bikinis posing for pictures, the callous reporter, the teenagers fooling around, and (of course) the babysitter.
A while back someone posted three or four Horror/Monster Movie “rules” to Facebook, and that inspired me to created others. The first of these I got from that original list (and if I could remember who posted them I’d thank him or her), a few came from other sources/people, and a few I came up with myself after a lifetime of movie watching.
I invite you to enjoy, and to add to the list!!
If you have sex, you will die.
If you are wearing a bikini, you will die.
If you attack in a helicoptor you must hover just within reach of the monster.
If you are a teenager you must investigate strange sounds by yourself in the dark.
Dinosaurs and giant insects are bulletproof. Monsters do not have to obey the laws of physics.
Radios, cell phones, and satellite phones will never work when needed.
Female characters will always scream as loudly as possible when told to be very quiet.
Vehicles will never start when needed.
Bombs will never be successfully disarmed until the last second on the countdown.
Monsters and Killer Animals will devour ten times more victims than they can possibly digest.
People fleeing from a monster or crazed killer will always hide in the worst possible place.
A slow-walking killer or monster will always be able to catch a running victim.
Survivabiliyy of a female character will depend upon either being the lead character or on having a romantic or familial connection to the male lead.
Characters can be swallowed by monsters, and survive.
Male leads, like cats, have nine lives.
The side-kick character always dies.
Scientist characters will survive only as long as they have not passed along information crucial to destoying the monster.
Sharks and sea monsters can survive for extended periods out of water and still be focused on eating everyone in sight.
Mad scientists can and will make any creature into a giant, and can combine any two living creatures into a giant monster.
A group of characters will generally find themselves isolated with no access to help.
There will always be one military commander character willing to nuke a major population center.
If you go on Spring break you will die.
If you swim at night or in a river you will die.
Monsters and mutant animals will nearly always leave at least one offspring or unhatched egg when they finally die so that there can be a sequel.