Pains in the Butt?

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May 22, 2015 by phicks2012

western_clipart_bullSome things are a very literal “Pain in the Butt”. Moving furniture and refurnishing rental units seem to be two of those things, especially if you don’t happen to be a burly and well-muscled henchman or super-hero. Toss the two in together, and you can have “Ass-Agony”.

In April I had a tenant abandon one of my rental units. Okay, so his father hauled him up north and put him into some sort of hospital telling us we could toss anything his son left behind, but it was still abandonment, and going into that unit after receiving the “joyful tidings” did not really improve my perspective on the situation. Upon entering we found a ripped-apart sectional sofa, a hopelessly stained love seat, a cheap yard-sale kitchen table, and about ten soiled mattresses on the floor that were clearly being used by other people who weren’t supposed to be in there. All of it was dusted liberally with cigarette ash and nestled amongst old unwashed clothing, cigarette butts, empty (and semi-empty) beer cans, dirty dishes, dog kibble, and spilled whatever. There were six (6) fist holes in walls and two (2) more in doors, a busted interior door frame from someone forcing a locked door on which the tenant had substituted an exterior deadbolt, a missing tub faucet knob, a missing closet door knob, and the closet shelves were all hanging half off of the walls — no real idea why. The occupant had clearly never mopped or swept, or cleaned the unit since moving in, had done something to blister the paint off of the venter hood over the kitchen range, and had left cigarette burns all over the vinyl tile in the kitchen. In short, they had made exactly zero effort to take care of the unit, and had seemingly been running a non-stop frat party in there. They were “that age”, and hence the reference from someone who (despite now being longer in the tooth) remembers frat parties well.

It took us over three weeks to get that unit cleaned and repaired, doing the work ourselves, and while we were initially moving out the furniture — even before the cleaning and repairs started — I managed to pull a butt muscle. NOT funny, actually, and every time I went back and tried to get work done I just made it worse. Go figure!

Then, during the same mega-entertaining time frame, I had to evict another tenant for non-payment of rent. Okay, at least she’d kept the unit relatively clean and undamaged so that it didn’t require many actual repairs this time around, but instead of moving out on her own when served with the eviction papers she forced us to physically evict her.

For those not “in the know” about such things, the Sheriff’s department sends officers out to stand around looking impressive, and to make sure there are no dramatics or fireworks. That is to be appreciated, but they do not actually “help”. The landlord has to either pay someone else to put the tenant’s belongings out on the curb or do it him/herself. I got a single day’s warning that the officers would be coming on a particular date, and had to line up helpers to assist me in getting yet another unit emptied within days of emptying out the first, so you can probably imagine that my pulled muscle was NOT made any better by this second round of furniture moving.

You might, or might not, be amazed at what sorts of activities require the use of butt muscles, but I’m here to tell you that the list is considerable! Pulling the wrong muscles will prevent you from comfortably bending over to pick up anything at all, and certainly from lifting anything even remotely heavy. It will make mopping, scrubbing, and painting difficult at best, and even standing for extended periods or (for the Ladies) just carrying your purse can increase the discomfort. By the end of the day, if you press your luck, you might find it seriously uncomfortable to sit, or conversely to rise from a seated position, and when you cannot easily bend over you will find yourself dropping all SORTS of things you need on the floor — car keys, bills, pens & pencils, your billfold, bottles of ibuprofen, tubes of Icy Hot, and fresh rolls of toilet paper.

So the next time you hear someone refer to something being a “Pain In The Butt”, they may very well mean that literally. Yep. Think about the idiom in a new way, and remember that Sports Stars aren’t the only ones who can get benched with injuries. They just get PAID while they’re on Injured Reserve!

Now where’s my ice pack?

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May 2015


I am an active, outgoing person interested in all sorts of things and all sorts of people! I'm constantly discovering new interests, and expect that to continue right into the grave!

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