“The Landlord’s Lament”


May 4, 2015 by phicks2012

DisgruntledFor those Of you who have ever owned rental property, I have no doubt that you will read the verse below and experience some rather serious deja-vu.

Landlords are often in the media and in literature villified as being cold, uncaring money-grubbers, and perhaps some are, but most of the people I know who own rental property are just regular people needing to make a little money off of an investment. Some few are lucky, and have good, responsible tenants who take care of their property and leave it in good condition, but most have been repeatedly cheated and damaged by “Tenants from Hell” who moved into their units and proceeded to destroy their property before defaulting on the rent, being evicted, and leaving the property in a sometimes almost incomprehensible state of filth and ruin – no exageration needed folks. I mean that literally.

This verse, my less fortunate comrades in arms, is for you, and for me!!


“The Landlord’s Lament”

In our hope we make ready the domicile fair,
We will scrub, paint and toil, and much damage repair,
There replacing what’s broken by rude, heedless hands,
Swift re-keying the locks such as prudence demands.

We see well to the fixtures, repainting the walls,
Then removing the carpet destroyed in the halls,
By the beasts not allowed but brought in all the same,
And we mend broken windows, though we’re not to blame.

We re-stain the scratched trim and we lay in new floor,
And the blinds all replace and the lighting restore.
Then we slay all the vermin that folk have let in
For to ready the rooms to let new folk move in.

Every time we prepare, we have hope born anew
That the tenants will care and maintain what we do,
But instead all too often they ruin what we’ve done,
Laying waste to our efforts, and caring for none.

Oft, they pay not their rentals, put fists through the walls,
Bring in pets that ruin carpets and friends that have brawls.
Keeping trash in the rooms; throwing knives at the doors;
Tearing out all the screens; spilling paint on the floors.

They leave toilets o’er-flowing, and sinks clogged with hair.
They leave grease in the drains that should run swift and fair.
They leave food rotting there on the counters and floor,
And foul roaches that rain when we open a door.

And the law says no matter what damage they do,
Or how fast they might hide when just payment is due,
That we cannot be rid of them, not right away,
Though we still have insurance and taxes to pay.

We must go through the process to force them away,
Waiting months for eviction though they’ll never pay.
We must file all the papers e’er we can reclaim
What we own and begin to restore what’s been maimed.

So when you hear the tales of cruel landlords so cold,
Just remember, some tenants wreck mayhem untold,
Leaving carnage behind them, and debt in their wake,
While the landlord must labor for maintenance’s sake.

And must haul out their garbage, and clean up their dreck,
Making liveable rooms that were left in a wreck,
E’er another can enter, with goods moving in,
Though the pitiless cyle may start once again.

[10 April, 2015]


2 thoughts on ““The Landlord’s Lament”

  1. Very good! I think that rental property was once a good thing when people were civilized but I think what you’ve written describes extremely well what society has come to.

    • phicks2012 says:

      There are some civilized people left, but so many renters nowadays seem to have no qualms about destroying someone else’s property because they know they’ll eventually get evicted for non-payment of rent and will lose their security deposit anyway, so they likely go in with that understanding. So sad when so few feel the need to behave with class or style. đŸ˜¦

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