Voice Mail and Annoyance Callers

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September 29, 2014 by phicks2012

portcullis-02Voice mail is a really nice innovation, and a vast improvement over the old answering machines we used to have, a few of which even became possessed, malfunctioned and dialed OUT. On the other hand, voice mail does very little, on its own, to discourage telemarketers, political pollsters, and totally confused fax machines.

I HATE picking up the phone –which is NOT attached to a FAX Machine, by the way — and having a fax signal blast into my ear, and I hear from the soulless computer at “Credit Card Services” daily — the calls coming from a vast array of numbers so that they cannot effectively be BLOCKED — wanting to give me a “lower interest rate on my credit cards”. I’m not sure they’re even a real company, and if I actually punch through and try to tell them to take my number off of their bloody list they hang up on me before I can get two words out. Ruthless bastards, and they’re not the only ones.

So, out of sheer self-preservation I’m no longer personally answering any calls on my land line unless the name of a legitimate company (with which I really do business), or the name of someone I actually know pops up on Caller ID. Otherwise, if one of my housemates doesn’t answer the phone, callers should be warned that they will get the following lengthy and really annoying message:

Hello —

I’m sorry, but due to the number of spam calls coming in to this number I am no longer answering the phone at all if the caller ID fails to show either the name of someone I actually know, or the name of a reputable company with which I do business.

If this is a telemarketer of any kind, you have reached a totally non-interested number that’s included on a No Calls List. Please, take it off your list immediately.

If you are calling for Ariel/Alicia or for Jason you can leave a message at the tone, and one of them may well get back to you.

If you are calling for Peggy/Bronwen, leaving a voice message on this number is pretty much totally useless. In that case you need to call me back on my cell phone where I do also check voice mail.

If you don’t know my cell number, and I actually know you, you can contact me via email, or on social media, and I’ll give you the number.

Otherwise, have a NICE DAY.

By that last I mean, of course, “If you’re an annoyance caller, SOD OFF! — Bless Your Heart.”

I also thought about actually answering with a loud whistle, a lengthy religious or political tirade, a really annoying sales pitch of my own, or with something like “5th Precinct”, “Spam Stoppers”, or “This is Hot Chat. Your number will be charged $20.00 per minute following the tone. Beep”.

I apologize, of course, to any friends whose names do not, for whatever reason, appear on caller ID, or who somehow might not have the cell number I’ve been using for a number of years now, and therefore might wind up being impacted. However, desperation makes us do erratic things sometimes, I really do HATE telemarketers, and signing up on the No Calls List appears to be doing me about as much good as buying a lottery ticket.

I also invite my readers to suggest other ways to really annoy unwanted callers, or to get them to stop calling altogether!! Your suggestions will be added to my list, and possibly even implemented if they wouldn’t result in my being arrested and incarcerated! đŸ˜‰

Points for creativity!!


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I am an active, outgoing person interested in all sorts of things and all sorts of people! I'm constantly discovering new interests, and expect that to continue right into the grave!

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